I don’t need a Doula. I deserve a Doula (Two Unmedicated Positive Water-births)

I believe that Allah places certain people in your life for a reason. Special people that open new doors for you, that give you priceless knowledge and experiences, that help you grow as a person. One of those very special people for me was my friend and doula, Sumayyah (Umm Omar).

It all started with a little email advertising the sakinah birth classes by Nakhlah Childbirth international, that I had received from Sumayyah during my first pregnancy. I decided to take the plunge and sign up for the class. I had never looked into the intricacies of birth or labour before stumbling upon this class. I can say with full conviction that this course changed my life. Prior to the birth class, I was terrified. All I had ever heard about labour were horror stories of birth gone wrong, complications, emergency c-sections, excruciating agonising pain, trauma, inductions, epidurals, tearing, episiotomies, stitches, losing control, losing dignity… negative, negative, negative! Who could have blamed me for having reservations and fears about birth?

I walked in to that cozy, homely room at Mother Nourished (oh, the nostalgia I’m feeling now as I write about it), and I took it all in. My fears were alleviated and replaced with a sense of control, along with a reassurance that whatever were to unfold during my birth experience would be a part of Allah’s most perfect plan. I felt informed and equipped to have the best birth that I could possibly have. The knowledge I gained that day is probably some of the most valuable information I have ever learnt. When I say the course changed my life, I don’t just mean that it changed my perspective on birth. It opened up my eyes to a whole new world of health, autonomy, empowerment, natural healing, self-awareness… it has led me on a completely different path than the one I was on at the time. Like I said, Allah places people in your life for a reason.

I decided then that I would make an appointment with Sumayyah to write up a birth plan. She walked me through all of my options, the pros and cons of different procedures, and guided me to determine my preferences. Having it all on paper simplified my birth experience. On the night that I went to the hospital in labour, handing my laminated birth plan to the midwives made all the difference. It meant that they knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want, and helped to keep me calm and tranquil throughout my labour. Being armed with the knowledge of the different stages of birth and coping mechanisms, and having Sumayyah’s support in the lead up to my birth, gave me a sense of empowerment that I had never felt before. By the will of Allah, I had an amazing water birth experience that was more tranquil and more positive than I could have ever imagined. It left me feeling empowered and hungry for more!

Strange, hey? To think that birth could actually be PLEASANT! That one could go through labour and MISS IT, wanting to go back to experience it all over again!

Even with the amazing experience I had birthing my firstborn, there were still a few things I would have wanted to run a little smoother. After having a taste of what a doula can do for a woman, I knew that I could never enter a labour room again without a doula by my side.

When I fell pregnant with my second, there was no doubt in my mind – Sumayyah was going to be my doula! “Why?” people would ask. “You had such a great run the first time, without a doula. What makes you think you need one now?”

My response was, “I don’t need a doula. I deserve a doula.” My doula  helped me realise this. I am worth it! My experience that will further shape who I am and how I see the world, my relationship with my child, and my memory of this monumental moment in my life, is SO worth it. Besides, who could have guaranteed that my next birth experience would be as smooth as my first? I knew that for my own comfort and wellbeing, and for my own peace of mind, I wanted to have a doula at my second birth. Alhamdulillaah, Sumayyah was available and took me on.

My doulas  support during my second pregnancy was next level. She taught me to stand up for myself and for what I believe in, to embrace confrontation and to never compromise on my values. From things as simple as unnecessary scans, rubbish-filled glucose tests, vaccinations, and allowing an extra support person in the room, Sumayyah guided me to defend my rights and not succumb to pressure and, quite frankly, feeling coerced by the doctors. I wanted to have as little intervention as possible, and to stay as healthy and clean as possible. I did this safely and with evidence based research, and I never put myself or my baby at risk. One challenge after another, I overcame them with Sumayyah in my corner, encouraging me and having my back. She helped me make my pregnancy and birth about me and my baby, and not about policies and routine procedures. To me, her support was priceless.
Fast forward to when I finally went into labour, 9 days past my due date. At around 2am, after hot showers to manage the pain, I felt things starting to get serious. I spoke to my doula, and she was at my door within 20 minutes. She set up the tens machine for pain relief, applied some clary sage and massaged acupressure points, and stayed with me in the quiet, calm, dark living room where I laboured on the couch, in the comfort of my home. Contractions were coming regularly, but there was still time. The hospital was only 5 minutes away from my house, so my plan was to labour at home for as long as possible.

It was Fajr, and I started to feel downward pressure. All of a sudden, the contractions accelerated and intensified. I couldn’t stand, I couldn’t move! I doubled over on the floor, collapsed,unable to move my body.

Stay calm.
No –
I can’t.
I can’t! I CAN’T!
I won’t make it to the hospital.
I can’t DO THIS.

I will never forget Sumayyah’s voice in my ear.
Baby isn’t here yet, there’s still time. You are strong. You CAN do this.

With the incredible support of Sumayyah and my husband, I managed to muster up the strength to throw some clothes on and get into the car. Alhamdulillaah, we made it to the hospital. I did not want the CTG foetal monitoring, I wanted to be monitored with a doppler. I wanted a water birth. The midwives had my birth plan, they knew this.

They checked baby’s heart rate with the doppler, but couldn’t get a proper reading the first time because I was sitting in an awkward position. They tried again, and baby was fine.
I got into the bath. I was labouring, breathing and humming through contractions. My support people were there, making Du’aa for us, but I laboured alone. Just how I like it.

Mid-contraction, a midwife walks in with forms for me to sign (again part of the hospitals policy).

What?

“We just need you to sign this because you refused the CTG monitoring, so your baby is now at risk of brain damage, …” my brain blocked the rest out. (and here you see the midwife using scare tactics instead of an evidence based approach while communicating with me, WHILE LABOURING)

Brain damage?
I’M IN LABOUR. My baby is minutes from being born and almost crowning. BRAIN DAMAGE? GET OUT OF MY SPACE!

These thoughts, and many more, were running through my head, all while I was in the thick of active labour. All I wanted in these few precious moments in anticipation of meeting my precious child, was to stay calm, stay positive, and block out the noise. I didn’t want to think at all – I wanted to submit to primal brain. Sumayyah took care of it for me. Having my doula there to not only maintain a calm, oxytocin-promoting environment, but to also help me fight my battles when they arose, I truly believe is the most valuable part of having a doula. After rude persistence from the midwife, I scribbled on the form and told her to leave.

In no time, my baby was earth-side. I caught him wuth my own hands, held him under the water for a few moments while I adjusted my position. He was so peaceful and angelic, waiting to be broiught up to my chest. An overwhelming wave of relief washed over me.

We did it, baby. My boy! My baby boy.

Alhamdulillaah, Alhamdulillaah, Alhamdulillaah. Even after all the the fear they tried to place in my heart during my pregnancy and labour, this proved that it was all speculation, and that after Allah, the only one who truly knows her baby is the mother. It is instinctual. We can feel it! My doula taught me to trust myself, to trust my body, to trust my baby, and most importantly to trust Allaah. Alhamdulillaah. I had a physiological third stage, where I birthed the placenta while I was holding my baby, allowing him to do the breast crawl, still attached to his umbilical cord.

Having a doula means you can make informed choices. Having a doula means you can birth on your own terms. If Allah wills, having a doula will be a must at any and all of my future births. I am so grateful that I crossed paths with my doula all those years ago. I am in absolute awe of doulas and the important work they do, touching women’s lives in such a unique and powerful way. It saddens me when I hear women talk negatively about birth, or when I see mums-to-be petrified of labour, clueless about their options or that they even have a choice at all! I commend the sisters over at Nakhlah Childbirth International for their hard work in striving to inform and educate women in our communities and globally, and empower them with knowledge and belief in their capabilities. The support of a doula is second to none. If you are a mother-to-be reading this, I urge you to look into birth education through Nakhlah Childbirth international, and consider hiring a doula. It will be possibly the best thing you will ever do for yourself, and for your children. May Allah reward all of my doula friends and grant them health, prosperity and success in this life and the next.

Allaahumma ameen.